Loss of Freedom Poker Edition
by omnipotent otaku
Summary: One day, Kish loses his freedom to Masaya in a game of poker. This is NOT for Masaya fans. -COMPLETE-
1. Chapter 1

Otaku: Hello, and welcome to my fanfic, Loss of Freedom- Poker Edition! … not like there were any PREVIOUS editions O.o;

Kish: u.u; um… yea. Is that summary REALLY correct?

Otaku: Yea. But there's Masaya bashing, so don't feel too bad.

Kish: … I detest you.

Otaku: I'm so glad.

Kish: -sigh-

Otaku: DO THE DISCLAIMER! DO THE DISCLAIMER! -hits Kish over the head with a watermelon-

Kish: OWIE! T-T Uh… the Otaku doesn't own me or Masaya, but if she DID own Masaya, she would feed him to a bunch of starved rabid dogs and have his remains be crushed by a zeppelin. Because zeppelins are COOL n.n

Otaku: Enjoy :D Oh and… I'm not TOO sure about betting in poker, so if anything is wrong… tell me.

* * *

Kish stared at his cards, thinking. He had two aces. He looked over at Masaya, who had a small smile on his face, then at the authoress, who looked dumb as usual. Kish discarded his unwanted 2, King, and 7. He drew another ace, a 6, and a Jack. Kish looked around again and the other two discarded then drew cards. Masaya's smile disappeared and the authoress picked up a manga from the floor and started reading it. Kish assumed they got really bad cards.

Kish grinned. He was gonna win. But there was no more money to bet. He thought he might as well have fun. He said, "I bet my freedom." The other two glanced at him, then shrugged. They all put down their cards.

Kish had a three of a kind, the authoress had one pair, but Masaya… had a royal flush. Kish stared in horror at the cards. Masaya said, "I guess you lost your freedom, Kish. Tough break, huh?"

Kish fainted.

* * *

Otaku: HOLY CRAP, THAT IS _SHORT_! O.o

Kish: You wrote it u.u

Otaku: Sorry for the shortness. This was a sort of… uh… prologue! Let's go with that :D

Kish: You're stupid.

Otaku: And you're supposed to have fainted! On the floor, now!

Kish: O.O -decides to run-

Otaku: GET BACK HERE KISH! Um… review please, readers! I'll make the others chapters longer, I promise! -goes after Kish-


	2. Chapter 2

Otaku: Eh. Not too many reviews yet.

Kish: You just put this story up yesterday, you know u.u

Otaku: Shut up -dances-

Kish: ….?

Otaku: Disclaimer, please!

Kish: The Otaku doesn't own Tokyo Mew Mew or the EVIL, DISGUSTING, TOTALLY STUPID Mew Mew Power, but if she did own MMP, she would brutally murder it, blow it up, and flush its ashes down the toilet. And that would make me happy :D

* * *

Kish woke up in a very unfamiliar place. He was in a bedroom with a high ceiling and large windows. The bed he was lying on was huge and had scarlet covers. Kish wondered if he was dreaming. Then Masaya skipped into the room, holding a tray of cookies.

"Where are we?" Kish asked.

"We're in the mansion I won from the authoress," Masaya said happily, thrusting the tray into Kish's hands. "Now eat up, Kishy!"

"….Kishy?"

Masaya nodded and skipped out of the room again. Kish examined the cookies on the tray. They looked alright, but when Kish dropped them into a conveniently placed fishbowl full of conveniently placed fish next to his bed, the fish all froze and floated to the top of the bowl. "Paralysis… potion?" Kish muttered, bemused. "Why does he want me… paralyzed… OMFG, RAPE!" he screamed.

Kish ran around the room screaming until he nearly suffocated and collapsed on the floor, trying to breathe. When he finally _could _breathe, he paced around the room, trying to think of a way to escape.

And fast.

- - -

A few hours later, Masaya pranced into Kish's room to see if Kish was paralyzed yet (he would've gone earlier but his stupidness made him forget). He went over to the bed, to see if Kish was lying there, but he wasn't. Masaya scratched his head, wondering where Kish was, when a fishbowl fell from the ceiling and hit Masaya right in the head, giving him a concussion and various cuts from broken glass. He was instantly knocked out.

Kish flew down from the ceiling and landed next to the unconscious idiot of faggy DOOM. Kish chuckled and was just about to step out of the room when the door slammed shut and an alarm went off. Kish froze, and then panicked.

The door was kicked open and Ichigo stepped in, looking very pissy. She glared at Kish, then went over to Masaya's body and kicked it until she dented it.

"Why'd you glare at me?" Kish asked. "And why are you here?"

"BECAUSE YOU BET _MY_ FREEDOM AS WELL AS YOURS IN THAT DAMNED POKER GAME OF YOURS!" Ichigo shrieked. "AND MR. MORON HERE DECIDES TO MAKE ME HIS SECURITY GUARD SUPERMODEL CATGIRL WHO'S FORCED TO WEAR SKIMPY OUTFITS AND TELL HIM HE'S SMART WHENEVER HIS NON-FANS PUT HIM DOWN AND BASH HIM IN FANFICS!"

Kish mumbled, "Well, the skimpy outfit thing can't be _too_ awful."

"AUUGH!"

Ichigo transformed into a Mew Mew and advanced on Kish. Kish backed away, utterly terrified, when Masaya suddenly woke up, babbled some gibberish to his foot, and tackled Ichigo, screaming, "PONIES ARE FUN!" Ichigo screamed and ran out of the room. Masaya ran after her.

Kish stared after them. _Ok. That was odd. _Kish thought. He went over to the door and stepped into the hallway. No alarms went off. Kish ran down the hall, looking for an exit, but before he reached the end of the hallway, someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him into a nearby closet.

Kish looked at who grabbed him. It was…

"Tart!" Kish exclaimed. "What the hell are you doing here? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS FANFIC?"

Tart shrugged and said, "Well, I came to help you but I can't. It seems this mansion zaps anyone who tries to walk in or out with a laser. I only got in because Masaya was at the door and the mansion doesn't zap him."

"Then how to I escape!" Kish wailed.

"Can't you teleport?" Tart asked.

Kish tried teleporting, but it didn't work. Meanwhile, the authoress laughed maniacally in front of her computer.

"Too bad for you, then." Tart sighed.

"Wait a sec… you're stuck here too, Tart."

"… AW FUCK."

- - -

The two aliens and a very disgruntled Ichigo sat in Kish's room. They had barricaded the door to keep Masaya out, and were trying to think of a way to escape.

"What about the windows? Can we escape through those?" Kish inquired.

"Tried them," Ichigo said. "They're protected by a force field."

"Why did the authoress bet her mansion anyway?" Tart asked.

"Well, she _is _an idiot." Kish stated. The authoress decided to ignore this comment.

"We could just hurt Masaya until he let's us go." Ichigo suggested.

"I guess we have to." Kish agreed.

"Alright, let the Masaya bashing commence!" Tart said happily.

The prisoners got to work.

- - -

Masaya knocked on the door to Kish's room and was surprised to hear Ichigo say, "Come in!" Masaya entered the room and saw Ichigo standing near the bed, smiling widely. Masaya started walking toward her when Kish jumped out from behind the door holding a large mallet. He whacked Masaya in the head with it. Masaya fell over, twitching. Then Tart pelted Masaya with jellybeans he got from Pudding until Masaya stopped moving.

The three prisoners danced a victory dance, but stopped when Masaya stood up and set, "Nice llama tomorrow, cheesecake potato, eh?" The aliens attacked Masaya again until he was out cold.

"Ok, we can't kill him, remember?" Ichigo said. "We need him to let us out first before we can allow that.

"Then we have to wait for him to wake up," Tart said, pouting.

"We'll have to wait until the next chapter then. I don't think he'll be up for a long time," Kish said.

"Alright, let the waiting commence!" Tart cried happily.

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

Otaku: Eh. Chapter two.

Kish: That was really weird.

Otaku: It gets weirder. Mwahaha :D

Kish: O.o Should I be scared?

Otaku: Very. Anyway, review! And feel free to flame me! Flames will be used to cook ramen!


	3. Chapter 3

Otaku: Hello! I would like to thanketh all of thee who haveth reviewed so far… eth :D

Kish: …weirdo e.e;

Otaku: And would like to thank all those who have signed my petition so far! (see my profile for details)

Kish: I kinda miss that script-format TMM fic of yours that was deleted… what was it called? Catastrophe?

Otaku: Yup! I might post it on DeviantArt someday. I'll inform you all if I do. It was my first TMM ficcy -huggles it-

Kish: Yea, yea… anyways, the Otaku doesn't own Tart… but she found a recipe to make tart so she wants to make it soon… but she can't cook that well. Unless she's making toast.

Otaku: -rolls eyes- I can make other things too!

Kish: Yea, if they were pre-cooked.

Otaku: Shut up. Well, enjoy chapter three, people!

* * *

Ichigo checked her watch again and said, "When's the idiot gonna wake up?" 

"I dunno," Kish said with a shrug.

"I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!" Tart screamed. He went into the bathroom, then came out again with a bucket of water and dumped it on Masaya's face. Masaya shrieked and jumped a few feet into the air. Ichigo examined some the water that spilled onto the floor and said, "Um, Tart? You're supposed to dump _cold_ water on someone who's unconscious. Not scalding hot water."

"Oh. Oops."

"It's kind of entertaining, though," Kish noted, watching Masaya run around the room crying.

When Masaya calmed down, the two aliens cornered him.

"Let us out of this mansion, now!" Kish said.

"But even if I let you out," Masaya said, "I'll still technically own you."

The two aliens exchanged glances, and then locked Masaya in the bathroom. Tart yelled, "Otaku! Get over here!" The authoress materialized on top of Kish.

"GET OFF ME YOU FREAK!" Kish shouted, throwing the authoress off of him.

"Gomen, Kish-chan," the authoress said, brushing herself off. "I haven't done that in a while. So, what do you want?"

"I want my freedom again! And so does Ichigo!" Kish said.

"Freedom from Masaya, huh? I dunno… we could have another poker game but it seems that all I do is lose. Sad, isn't it?" the authoress said.

"Is there any other way?"

"Uh… kill Masaya?"

"Cool. Then how do we get out of the mansion?"

"Not sure. Oh, and you can't put Masaya's corpse in the doorway, because the lasers will zap him if he's dead."

"Then what do we do?" Ichigo asked.

The authoress sighed. "Man, you people are dumb, aren't you?"

"It's your fic, so it's your fault," Tart reminded her.

"So? Well, all you need to do is have Masaya escort you out of the mansion, and then you can kill him," the authoress told the group. "Now, excuse me while I finish typing this chapter." Then she disappeared.

"I wonder how she typed this scene if she was here with us." Tart wondered. The authoress stared at the computer screen and pondered the same thing.

"Let's just get Masaya to get us out of here," Ichigo said. She opened the bathroom door, only to see Masaya lying in the bathtub asleep with a rubber chicken over his face. She rolled her eyes and dumped a bucket of cold water on Masaya. Masaya didn't wake up. Ichigo, puzzled, dumped another bucket of cold water on Masaya. He still didn't wake up. Ichigo then filled the bucket with scalding hot water, dumped it on Masaya, and he woke up, screaming.

"Ha, you _do_ need hot water to wake him up," Tart said.

"Oh, be quiet _midget_."

"What did you call me, _old hag?_"

"Settle down children. Fighting is not the answer. It just causes problems." Kish said, trying to sound smarter then he probably is.

"… stupid authoress." Kish muttered, glaring at the evil line she wrote. The authoress just giggled.

Masaya stared at the three, confused. Hot water? Hag? Authoress? He wondered if these things had any special meaning. _Oh, wait!_ Masaya thought. _They're probably speaking in code! I shall speak code with them!_

"Well, hag," Masaya said to Ichigo, "Hot water is in the midget's authoress fighting. Stupid are you. Yes?"

Ichigo stared at Masaya for a second, her face expressionless, but then she started to resemble something like a very pissed off, angry troll who stubbed its toe and saw its favorite character on its favorite anime show killed off. "DID YOU JUST CALL ME A STUPID HAG!" she screeched. "HOW DARE YOU, YOU RETARTED, EVIL, DIMWITTED, BRAINLESS, RIDICULOUSLY MORONIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!"

Ichigo transformed into a Mew Mew and screamed, "RIBBON STRAWBERRY CHECK, FULL POWER!" Her attack hit Masaya right in the chest, sending him flying into the wall, denting it. Kish took the again unconscious Masaya's pulse.

"He's alive, thank goodness," the green-haired alien said. "Wow… I never thought I would ever say anything like that about Masaya… yuck."

Tart got another bucket of hot water and dumped it on Masaya. Masaya, yet again, jumped up screaming.

"He's probably gonna die from burns," Kish commented. "Let's stop knocking him out, ok?"

Masaya fainted for no apparent reason at all.

"We'll have to wait for him to wake up on his own then," Tart said.

- - - (THREE DAYS LATER) - - -

Kish rubbed his bloodshot eyes. "Ugh… he's been out for a full 72 hours, already!"

"Eh?" Ichigo said, trying to keep herself from falling asleep.

Tart ran into the room, holding a tray full of sugary goods. "If we can get hyper, we can stay awake!" Tart informed Ichigo and Kish.

Everyone was about to eat, when Masaya woke up, grabbed the tray, and devoured its contents. Masaya licked the sugar off his fingers. Tart's eyes filled with tears as he glanced at the now food-less tray.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Masaya laughed as he literally bounced around the room. He then ran into the hallway, down the stairs, and out the door. The three prisoners stared out the window after the retreating figure.

"No! We're permanently stuck here!" Ichigo cried, now wide awake.

* * *

Otaku: MWAHAHA! Will Masaya EVER come back? Who knows. 

Kish: …………… THEN HOW WILL WE GET OUT?

Otaku: I'll think of something :D

Kish: You better T-T

Otaku: See y'all next chapter, people!


	4. Chapter 4

Otaku: Hello everyone! Wow, 19 reviews. Ume finally read the story! -gives her a cookie…THAT I BAKED MYSELF! BWAHAHA!-

Kish: You can bake cookies. So what?

Otaku: You're not getting any.

Kish: T-T

Otaku: Disclaimer. Now.

Kish: The otaku doesn't own Tokyo Mew Mew.

Otaku: -confused- Yes I do, I have all the manga. Even A La Mode volume 1. What are you talking about?

Kish: …THIS IS A GUN, PLEASE SHOOT ME WITH IT. KTHXBAI.

* * *

The prisoners sat in the kitchen, trying to think of someway to get out of the stupid mansion, dammit. They had kept trying to find other doors, windows without barriers, telephones, and secret passages, but to no avail. They were stuck until Masaya came back. But they were sure that was _never_ gonna happen. He was too stupid to remember how to get back, probably.

"Try teleporting again, Kish," Ichigo said.

Kish tried teleporting but nothing happened. He sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. Tart patted him on the back, and said, "It was worth a try." Then he looked through the cabinets for more sugar again.

Ichigo said she was going to attempt to find another door. She left the room and started looking through each room. She found one room that was locked. She called for Kish and Tart and they were at the door in a second. They knocked it down and they all entered the room. In it was… a computer.

"WOOHOO!" Tart cheered, and he jumped in the cool office chair in front of the computer. He clicked some things, pressed some buttons, and then he read something while laughing hysterically. Ichigo and Kish went behind him and looked at the website he was on, The fanfic Tart was reading was called Masaya Aoyama – Dead and Buried! A Lot!

"Tart… why is there a story about Masaya?" Ichigo asked.

"Well you see Ichigo," Tart explained, "we are actually fictional characters found in the popular anime and manga Tokyo Mew Mew. Fans of our anime and manga usually write stories about us, called fanfics. In fact, we're in a fanfic right now. Brilliant, eh?"

Kish whispered to Ichigo, "He's a bit crazy. Don't mind him."

Tart heard what Kish said and muttered, "Funny… he knew this was a fanfic in chapter two…" The authoress laughed insanely.

Tart went back to his fanfic. He finished the chapter and reviewed. Then he decided to look at the other reviews. The first few were praise, but then there was a flame. Tart read it out loud.

" 'u r an evil prson u shood die masaya is the bes evr i hate u and yur fanfic yes i'm flaming u' Wow, bad grammar."

Tart copy and pasted the flame to a folder marked "Flames" on the desktop. He saw that Ichigo and Kish were staring at him, confused, so he said, "I'm saving all the flames I find. So I can use them to cook stuff."

Ichigo sighed and rolled her eyes, but then she thought about it. _Wait… flames… fire… HOLY CRAP!_

"Kish, Tart! I know how we can get out of here!" the pink haired girl exclaimed, excited.

"What?" the aliens asked simultaneously.

"If we can collect enough flames, we can start a fire! Then the fire department will come and get us out of this stupid mansion!"

"That just might work!" Kish cried. "But… Tart, I have a question."

"Yes, Kish?"

"How come the Flame folder is even on this computer? Because I don't think Masaya would even know how to work a computer."

"Um…"

**-FLASHBACK!**-

Tart: -on the computer- Mwahaha… those two think I'm actually looking for a way out. -clicks a link-

-**END FLASHBACK!**-

"Tart, you idiot," Ichigo said, shaking her head.

"Yea, yea," Tart said, going back to looking through the reviews. "Oh, listen to this flame. 'I have no clue why you hate Masaya so much. What did he ever do to you? You deserve to die, you insensitive person. Masaya is the best character in TMM. This story is complete crap. Signed, AoyamaLover.' Yea, I'm saving this. Oh… and this one. 'omigawd, that was like falling down a flight of stairs. it just kept getting worse and worse. i hate these anti-masaya fics and they should be banned from the site.' Saving."

For the next hour or so, the group read and saved flames, whether they were short and sweet ("I hate your fic, asshole."), or nonsensical ("ths fc s vry hrrble nd shld brn n hll lng wth y, y dmmy. hpe yr fc gts rmvd. stpd!"). The three cringed at some flames (KISH IS A LOSER AND ICHIGO IS A SLUT! THE WHOLE ANIME SHOULD BE ABOUT MASAYA! I HATE THIS FIC BECAUSE IT HAS KISH AND ICHIGO PAIRED TOGETHER! A LOSER AND A SLUT!) and some made them laugh (I don't like this fic because it sucks. Update soon!). And there was even one memorable review conversation:

"Omigod, this fic is horrendous! I don't know how people like this stuff! I especially hated the last paragraph, where Masaya was killed."

"Thank you for reading my story, MasayaIsMine. I appreciate it."

"Are you dumb? I HATED the story."

"But you read it and reviewed."

"But I hated it! You are stupid!"

"You still read it. And you're helping its publicity by giving it more reviews. People will see all the reviews and say, 'Hey, this fic is popular, I wanna read it!' And if they actually read the reviews, so what? People will still read it. There are many Masaya haters."

"You're an idiot. No one will read your fic!"

"Wow, I have 37 reviews now! And 4 are from you! Thank you!"

When the number of flames in the folder reached 100, Tart decided to print the flames. Ichigo was a bit skeptical about this, but Tart insisted that things like that work in fanfics. The authoress nodded in agreement. Tart pressed the print button. A few seconds later, a tower of flames shot out of the printer and engulfed the computer and chair, along with a nearby waste basket and the window curtains. The three ran from the room.

"A mansion like this is bound to have a tight security system," Ichigo said. "The fire department will be here any minute! And even if this place doesn't have a tight security system, someone will call right?"

Twenty minutes later, half the mansion was on fire, but there still were no fire trucks.

* * *

Otaku: Mwaha. What WILL they do? -evil grin-

Kish: Holy crap, we're gonna die. -spaz-

Otaku: Calm down, Dren. UM, I MEAN KISSHU-KUN :D

Kish: -cringes- Ew, dub name.

Otaku: Yea. Dren, Tarb… yuck.

Tart: -cringes also-

Otaku: See ya everyone! Oh, and here's a translation of the flame, "ths fc s vry hrrble nd shld brn n hll lng wth y, y dmmy. hpe yr fc gts rmvd. stpd" – this fic is very horrible and should burn in hell along with you, you dummy. hope your fic gets removed. stupid.

(Some flames were based off of old flames I got for some of my fics, like The Day Masaya Died and my old script-format Zelda fic, Stupid Is Thy Name. So thank you, flamers, for inspiration. And I woke like to thank the hosts of X-Play on G4TV for inspiring the review conversation, because of an episode when they thanked the people who wrote hate mail to them for watching their show.)


	5. Chapter 5

Otaku: Um… I was gonna update sooner but… well… school. 10th gradeisa pain in the neck. So is having to get a new locker since my old one wouldn't open AGAIN. But hey, I got to miss english because of that.

Kish: Haha, you have to go to school!

Otaku: Nonetheless, it still hasn't damaged my astonishing ability to write stupidity incarnate :D

Kish: Whoa, you lost me with you fancy educated lingo there X.x

Otaku: … O.o

Kish: I does not owning high school education. And she is owning not teh socks of meh.

Otaku: …?

* * *

The prisoners were in Kish's room, the only room in the mansion that didn't catch fire yet. They were out of escape ideas. They decided that their only hope was to call the authoress. They would've done this earlier, like before the chapter started, but they knew they would've been left to die if the asked the authoress for help before anyone could read about it. So, very relieved that the chapter had finally started, they shouted in unison, "OMNIPOTENT OTAKU!"

The authoress appeared, holding herLatin notebook. She scowled at the three prisoners and asked irritably, "What do you want? I wanna finish my homework sometime soon."

"We need help," Tart said, pointing at the door. Flames were already coming in through the crack under it.

"Well," the authoress said, "I could just use my Author Powers to get you safely out of here… but that's so _boring_."

"Then what will we do?" Ichigo asked hurriedly, glancing at the door.

The authoress disappeared then reappeared. "There, problem solved. Look outside. Valete!" the authoress said, disappearing again.

Before anyone could ask what "Valete" meant, the authoress' Latin teacher popped up and said happily, "It's Latin for goodbye! And it's PLURAL! YAY! … CICERO IS YOU LORD AND MASTER!" Then he ran away laughing.

After the prisoners got over the shock of the authoress' crazy Latin teacher making a guest appearance, they looked out the window. Outside, they saw David Copperfield and Harry Houdini standing in front of a large crowd of cheering people. The prisoners noticed that they could hear everything that was going on outside. The authoress smiled and congratulated herself on being so kind as to allow the three to hear through the window and force field.

Harry said to the excited crowd, "Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Dogs, cats, and other assorted mammals! And any amphibians or reptiles or birds or mutant creatures out there! Welcome, to today's show!"

"MAGIC SHOW!" David screamed. The crowd went wild.

"Yes, yes," Harry said, waving his hand impatiently. "Anyway, we shall attempt to put out this abnormally large fire using-"

"MAGIC!"

"Yes, David. Magic. First, we will call the fire department!"

"MAGICALLY!"

Harry took out his cell phone and dialed. He whispered something into the receiver, then hung up. He cried, "Now, watch as fire trucks come in!"

"Magically?"

"… YES."

A fire truck suddenly sped past the crowd and crashed into the house.

"… TADA!" Harry shouted. The crowed roared.

The firemen all got out of their now burning truck, laughing. One of them collapsed and the others followed, laughing stupidly. All except one fireman, who said, "YAHOO FOR TEH FIRE DEPARTMENT'SH FREE ALCOHOL DAY! MWAahahAHAahaaAhaAHAahAAHhAHahAahaaaA!" Then he passed out, too.

Harry and David stared at the completely wasted firemen, and then Harry said, "Now watch as the other good men of the fire department come!"

Another fire truck sped by the crowd and crashed into the first one.

Harry scowled and said, "Ok then, watch as David and I use the hoses and put out the fire ourselves!"

"MAGICALLY!"

The crowd roared tremendously as Harry and David started putting out the fire.

The three prisoners watched eagerly as the flames diminished. After a few minutes, the whole entire fire was out.

"Wow, flames from flamers are pretty easy to put out," Kish said.

"C'mon, let's get downstairs!" Ichigo exclaimed.

The three bolted out the room and down the stairs to the front hall. To their dismay, none of the walls had collapsed and none of the windows had exploded.

"Do you think the lasers still work?" Tart asked.

I don't know… hey, listen!" Ichigo said, putting her ear to the door. The aliens did the same.

"…now watch as David and I, who are right on the front steps, open the door-"

"With MAGIC!"

"-releasing anyone who was trapped inside!"

The prisoners backed away, and the door was kicked down. The three ran outside, onto the front lawn. They were out of the mansion!

"Wow, I guess the lasers got destroyed," Kish said.

Suddenly, one of the said lasers twitched and slowly aimed at David. It zapped him, then it fell limp.

Harry stared at the pile of David ashes, and said, "THANK GOD… I mean… TADA!"

The crowd went completely crazy. Harry bowed and walked onto the law and shook hands with Kish, Tart, and Ichigo.

Suddenly, a girl ran toward the three former prisoners. "I'M HERE TO RESCUE… wait… you're already rescued, aren't you? Crap."

"Who are you?" Ichigo inquired of the girl.

"I am… KISHLOVER123!" The girl shouted dramatically. "But… since saying my name with the numbers in it is stupid, call me… MRS. KISH!"

Kish raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Fine, just call me KishLover. Jeez."

"So, what do you want?" Tart asked.

"Well," KishLover said, "I DID want to rescue you three but I guess I got here a bit too late. Stupid mass transit."

"So sorry KishLover," Harry said. "I can put them back in the mansion and set it on fire again if you'd like."

"NO!" the two aliens and Ichigo screamed.

"Too bad," KishLover said. "But… I can still rescue some pastries from the evil pastry imprisoning bakery down the street. AWAY!"

KishLover ran laughing. Everyone stared after her, bemused.

"That's the end of the show folks!" Harry said to the crowd. "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye!" The magician threw a smoke bomb on the ground.

When the smoke cleared, the aliens and Ichigo were surprised to see that Harry Houdini and the crowd were both gone.

"I'm so glad we're out of that stupid mansion!" Ichigo squealed, hugging Kish. The alien's face turned slightly red.

"Group hug!" Tart said, putting his arms around Kish and Ichigo's shoulders. Kish tossed the younger alien a good couple of yards.

"You know, we still need to find Masaya," Ichigo said.

"Oh… yea. Where should we start?" Kish asked.

"I don't know. The zoo? Or the park? The aquarium maybe? The I-Love-The-Environment Club?"

"Let's ask around."

Kish and Ichigo started walking toward town. Tart ran after them.

* * *

Otaku: Yay. They're out of the mansion! Now the random Masaya search of DOOM can start! Muaha.

Kish: Of… doom? What does that mean? WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?

Otaku: Nothiiiiiiiing -smile-

Kish: -scared-

Otaku: Ok then. Yea. So anyway, I have put a reviewer in the story, as you may have noticed. If anyone else wants to be in the story, ask. But… is that against the rules? Hm. This sight has too many retarded rules, if you ask me.Kthxbai.

Kish: And of course, you're gonna remove any trace of sanity your reviewers have, right?

Otaku: … -smile-

Kish: Ah.

Otaku: Ja ne everyone!


	6. Chapter 6

Holy crap, I haven't updated since September! I'm so sorry! I had horrible writers' block and I didn't know what to write at all.

Ok, I have some announcements to make...

You know how I said I'd put my lovely reviewers in the fic? Well, I've dropped the idea. I'm really sorry, but… well, it's against the rules and I've already had about 15 fics deleted. Any more, and my account will definitely be deleted. So I'm sorry if you wanted to be in the story. I really am. And I couldn't find a way to make it work anyway. So I made up original characters instead. Please don't be mad.

On a happier note, I have Catastrophe up on my website. Just click the Realm of Insanity link in my profile and head over to the Tokyo Mew Mew section. And if anyone has ever written a TMM script-format fic (or any other s-f fic) that was deleted from ff.n, you can email it to me and I can put it on my site :D

So yeah. Enjoy chapter 6!

* * *

Ichigo and the two aliens had split up in town to ask around about Masaya. 

"Did you see an extremely moronic loser prance by here?" Ichigo asked a woman doing her shopping.

"I did, but I don't know which way he pranced," the woman said in reply. Then she walked into a nearby store.

"There's someone I'm looking for, named Masaya Aoyama. He's about this tall and he's really dumb." Kish said to a young man spray-painting a car.

"Don't talk to me freak," the young man said.

"Have you seen this idiot?" Tart asked a group of high school girls while holding up a badly drawn picture of Masaya.

"Aw, what a cute little guy!" The girls squealed as they all tried to hug Tart.

The three met up outside of a building with a billboard that conveniently read, "Meet here!"

"Nothing," Kish and Tart said in unison.

"One woman uptown saw him, but didn't know where he went," Ichigo said.

"That's still more info than we got," Kish said.

So the three went uptown to the area where Ichigo talked to the woman. There were plenty of people to talk to. They went around asking people if they had seen Masaya, but only a small few said they saw him, and none of them could say where he went exactly. But then, they finally got a lead.

"If you're looking for Aoyama, go to the alley behind that café," a suspicious looking girl said. Then she ran, giggling evilly.

The three ignored the evil giggle that would SO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE NOT LISTEN TO THIS PERSON and went into the alley behind said café. What they found wasn't Masaya but-

"THREE RANDOM GIRLS WE DON'T KNOW!" Ichigo and the aliens gasped.

And indeed there were three random girls there, each with black hair and dark eyes. The one on the left was wearing a very interesting dark green outfit and her hair was in a braid that hung down her back. The girl on the right was wearing a similar outfit, only hers was dark blue, and her hair was in pigtails that curled at the ends. The girl in the middle, who seemed to be the leader of the trio, was wearing a red outfit and her straight hair hung down to her waist.

The girl in the middle said, "Ichigo Momomiya, we are the Perfectly Magical Sweethearts, but you can call us PMS."

Ichigo giggled. Kish wondered why.

The girl continued, "You and your friends stole the spotlight from us! Our singing group was supposed to have the cuteness and the colors! We're freaking NAMED after colors. But then you had to show up, with your hair and clothes the same color and named after a fruit! Apparently, people think that's SO adorable. Even though our idea came before you, we were accused of copying you and your stupid Mew Mew group. I mean, come ON. Only one of you is a cat anyway!"

"I have two questions," Ichigo said.

"Shoot."

"How did you know about me being a Mew Mew?"

"Oh, there was this anime and manga about it."

"… ooookaaaaay. And what are your names?"

The girl in green said, "I'm Anryoku!"

The girl in blue said, "I'm Aoi!"

The girl in red said, "I'm Akai! And together we're-"

"PMS!" The trio shouted in unison. Ichigo giggled again.

"What's so funny?" Akai demanded.

"That's what I'd like to know," Kish said.

"Well, whatever! We're gonna end your life, Pinky!" Akai exclaimed.

"What about us?" Tart asked about him and Kish.

"You're cute so you can be our pet, and the older one can be our slave."

"Yeah right!" Ichigo said with a laugh.

Ichigo transformed into Mew Ichigo and was about to use her Ribbon Strawberry Check on the trio, but Aoi knocked her weapon out of her hands. Anryoku kicked Ichigo and she stared to fall backwards. As she fell, Akai hit her from behind with a microphone and Ichigo hit the ground face first. Ichigo sprang up from the ground and tried to kick Akai, who was now in front of her, but Akai hit her the microphone again, and Ichigo went flying into Kish.

"We're obviously superior," Akai said, "so just give up!"

"I will not!" Ichigo said.

"I can't breathe," Kish said, attempting to shove Ichigo off of him.

Ichigo got up and charged at Akai with a flurry of punches, but Akai dodged easily. Then Aoi grabbed Ichigo's left arm, and Anryoku grabbed herright arm. Akai stared hitting Ichigo across her face with the microphone. Kish decided to join the fight at this point. He teleported behind Akai and kicked her legs out from under her. Akai fell, and Aoi and Anryoku let go of Ichigo to help their leader.

"Guys, let's get out of here!" Tart shouted. He stared running out of the alley. Ichigo and Kish followed as fast as they could. As they ran, they heard Akai shout after them, "We'll get you, Mew Ichigo! And you little alien, too! And your other alien! And we'll sell all your belongings on Ebay, and then we'll shave your parents' eyebrows, and we'll stalk you, and eat your babies, and hide the remote-"

Then she was out of earshot.

The three kept running until they were in a park. They sat down and sighed with relief. PMS was nowhere in sight.

"Omnipotent otaku!" Tart yelled.

The authoress appeared, holding a bowl of popcorn. "You didn't have toend the fight so early," she remarked.

"Stow it," Kish said. "Now, WHO were those PMS girls?"

"Fan characters," the authoress said.

"And WHY are they here?"

"Because that's what you do with fan characters. You put 'em in fanfics."

"But WHAT purpose so they have here?"

"Who, what, when, where, why…. Who do think you are, my English teacher?"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"They're purpose is to hinder your search for Aoyama so that this fic lasts for a long time."

Ichigo glared at the authoress. "That's a _horrible_ thing to do! We may never find him now!"

The authoress munched on a handful of popcorn thoughtfully. Then she said, "All you have to do is turn."A moment later, she disappeared.

"Turn? What's that mean?" Ichigo asked angrily.

"Maybe she's being literal," Tart suggested.

"Yeah right!" Ichigo said, while turning around, "Like he's- RIGHT BEHIND US!"

Tart and Kish turned around and sure enough, Masaya was there, stroking a cherry tree lovingly and saying, "Oh Sakura, how I wish it could be between you and me, but alas! you are a tree."

Ichigo marched up to him and said, "Masaya, where were you!"

Masaya looked at her. His expression went from confusion to joy. "OMGZ, YOU'RE THAT MEW MEW GIRL WHO SAVES THE WORLD FROM EBIL! CAN I LIEK, HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?"

Kish and Tart had to hold Ichigo back to keep her from bashing Masaya's skull in with a nearby tree branch. "Ichigo, calm down! He's just stupid!" Kish exclaimed.

Masaya's eyes were sparkling now. "And you're that alien! OMGZ, I'M SO EXICTED I MAY FAINT! TEEHEE!"

Masaya then skipped away squealing. The other three stared after him.

"Wait a sec! Masaya get back here!" Ichigo shouted.

But Masaya was soon out of sight.

"Let's find him," Kish said.

They searched the park for Masaya. Tart looked up the trees, Kish looked under benches, and Ichigo looked in a wastebasket only to find Akai there, staring at her and grinning. Ichigo backed away slowly and decided to look by the swings. But sadly, Masaya was not to be found anywhere.

"Come on, we need to find him. Let's look somewhere else." Ichigo said.

And they left the park.

* * *

… Wow. I never thought I'd have a fight scene in this fic XD 

This chapter wasn't that funny. I'm sorry.

I'll attempt to update within three months, but it might not happen, so again I am sorry.


	7. Chapter 7

Erm. Hello.

Usually I'd apologize for not updating but there are really no excuses for not updating in over a year. I am sorry, though. I've felt terribly guilty. D:

This is going to be the last chapter. I've pretty much lost interest in this story. I hate when that happens, but I have a horribly short attention span.

Without further ado, here's chapter seven. Enjoy!

* * *

The figure lurked through the streets of Tokyo, carrying a bundle of papers in his arms. The papers were supremely important and very dangerous if placed in the wrong hands. He kept to the shadows, making sure not to alert anyone to his presence. When he came to an abandoned alleyway, he took out his cell phone and dialed a number. The man at the other end picked up and said, "That you, man?"

"Yes sir," the figure said. "I've got the papers."

"Awesome, man. I'll meet you at the rendezvous point. Don't be late."

They each hung up, and he continued his trek. He went down a few alleyways until he came to a fairly crowded street. A man with long hair and a tie-dye shirt was standing on the corner, looking painfully conspicuous. The figure approached him, silently handed the papers over to him, and departed.

Not long after that, a familiar pink-haired girl and two aliens started walking down the same street.

"We'll never find Masaya, you know," Ichigo said, frowning. "He's probably fled to Okinawa or something. I suppose he has brains enough to do that, even if it is a stretch."

"I don't even remember why we're looking for him," Kish said.

They all paused and thought.

"Oh, I remember!" Tart said. "We have to kill him because he owns us."

"Oh!" Kish and Ichigo said in unison.

Fueled by this newly remembered knowledge, the group began asking everyone they saw if they've seen Masaya. Sadly, a majority of people didn't know or care. And then they came to the man in the tie-dye shirt.

"Do you know where Masaya Aoyama is?" Ichigo asked the man.

His reaction was one they had been looking for. The man's eye's widened in recognition, and he said in a guilty, hurried way, "Nope, don't know any Masaya, man." He held the papers to his chest in a protective manner.

"What's with those papers?" Kish asked.

"What papers? I don't see no papers, man!"

He tried to back away, but Kish grabbed his arm and Ichigo pulled the papers from his grasp. She looked at the topmost paper and blinked at it in a bemused fashion.

"What's it say?" Tart asked.

Ichigo held the paper up for him and Kish to see. It read:

_Masaya Aoyama is living under Ichigo Momomiya's bed. If anyone learns this information, please forget it. If you can't, the __I-Love-The-Environment Club__ will stalk your life and make you eat organic food._

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at the man. "Are these flyers?" she inquired.

"Yes, yes already, man!" the man exclaimed. "Masaya gave 'em to me just now! I was gonna hang 'em up around town and I was told not to give them to you, 'cause you'd ruin the cause!"

"I think my brain just broke from the stupidity of it all," Kish said. He let go of the man.

"Peace out!" the man yelled before running away.

"This is so horrible!" Ichigo said.

"What's so horrible about it?" Kish asked. "We know where he is."

"Yes, but he's _under my bed_. I have to buy a new one now!"

She began walking irately in the direction of her house. The aliens followed her.

- - -

Ichigo's dad was shocked when Ichigo told him that Masaya was living under her bed.

"Well, _I_ didn't let that punk in," he said.

"Then who did?"

Ichigo's mother entered the living room with a tray of cookies. But when she saw her husband's suspicious gaze and her daughter and two boys with pointy ears staring at her, she retreated back into the kitchen.

Ichigo followed her and asked calmly enough, "Mom, did you, oh, I don't know, let a certain idiot lodge in my room?"

_Just give her a rational, untrue answer,_ she thought. _Don't panic, Sakura!_

"YES, YES I DID! DON'T KILL ME!" she screamed, cowering behind the tray of cookies.

"I'll deal with you later," Ichigo said menacingly. She then proceeded to her room.

She stood in front of her bedroom door for a little while, contemplating. She knew Masaya wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box, but it was possible that he set this up as a trap. Kish seemed to read her thoughts, because he solemnly agreed to go in first.

"Be careful, Kish," Tart said.

Kish went into the room, shutting the door behind him. What Ichigo and Tart then heard would haunt their dreams forever.

"The Force is with you, Kish, but you are NOT A JEDI YET!"

There was a crash and a scream. Ichigo pulled the door open and saw Masaya, dressed in robes and holding a plastic light saber, lying on the remains of Ichigo's desk.

"Kish, you ruined my desk!"

"He fell on it on purpose, I didn't do anything," Kish said with indignation.

Masaya stood up, waving the plastic light saber in a way that was not particularly threatening. Ichigo went up to him.

"Masaya, we have to kill you," she told him. "You see, you have ownership over us, and-"

"What are you talking about?" Masaya asked. "The authoress won your freedom back in another game of poker ages ago. She's pretty good at it, actually. I guess she told you otherwise, hm?"

"You mean… we were… this whole thing was pointless?" Ichigo asked, bewildered.

Masaya nodded.

"The mansion, that PMS group, all the searching… they could have been avoided?"

"A Jedi desires none of these," Masaya said, nodding.

"Oh, I'm going to _murder_ that authoress!" Ichigo cried. "OMNIPOTENT OTAKU!"

But the authoress didn't appear; she knew not to face the wrath of Ichigo.

Ichigo, seething, snatched the plastic light saber from Masaya's hand. Masaya started backing away from her.

"I know!" Masaya said. "Let's talk about this over some coffee, 'kay? Oooh, then we can clean the river!"

This was the wrong thing to say. Ichigo swung the light saber at him, and Masaya ducked. He then jumped out the window and ran screaming into the sunset. Ichigo followed him, swinging the plastic weapon as she went. Kish and Tart watched, slightly amused.

"All's well that ends well," Kish said.

The two aliens teleported back to their ship, quite glad that their little adventure was over.

_THE END_

* * *

That was the worst ending ever. D: I'm sorry.

Well, I hoped you liked the fic. Thank you everyone for reading. -bows- Much love to all of you, and God bless!

-departs-


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